A Fox In The Car

1

“What’s up with this bloody thing now?” Glaring at the iPod I quickly realised that the battery had drained and I was left with the stark choice of a CD I’d listened to a zillion times or the boring cretins on local or national radio so, after a short moment of contemplation, its silence in the car.

I say silence, that’s not possible in my old rust bucket. The sound of the wind rushing past my windows, the clanking of the loose exhaust pipe, the stone (or could it be a nail?) stuck in a tyre tapping on the road, something annoying in the glove box banging on the lid, the de-icer can rolling around in the door compartment, all destroying the notion of silence. Maybe I should get that iPod plugged into the cigarette lighter socket and re-energise it.  

“Where’s that cable? Mmmm, must be in the glove box I reckon” I had better wait until I’ve stopped, could be a bit of a dodgy manoeuvre opening the compartment whilst I’m still driving.

“Shit, where the hell is it?”

“Ah yeah, it’ll be in my bag”

“OK, let’s plug this thing in. Now where the fuck did I put that bloody adaptor?”

Of course the adaptor was in amongst the old sticky Fox’s glacier mints and empty wrappers in the little tray next to the ash tray. So much shit in my car that needs to be tidied up, of course I say that every week or two….

With the iPod plugged in and the battery on its replenishment mission there’s a bit of time to mull over the important stuff in life. Oh, that plastic carrier bag is still wrapped around the sign post! It has been there for weeks, perhaps it flew out of a car window or more likely some useless little toe rag just chucked it out of his window with the bloody McDonald’s rubbish that is all over the verge nearby.

2

“What the hell are you doing you idiot, you can’t overtake there. Man that is a crazy thing to do; you’re a lucky bastard to get away with that. Didn’t think of anybody else though did you, selfish twat.”

How is this battery doing? OK getting somewhere. It’ll probably be ready by the time I get home. I thought that pub had re-opened. Strange times these, it was really busy all summer now it’s boarded up. I must’ve miss-read the sign on the board outside. Hopefully it’ll be re-let again soon, I’ve always fancied nipping in there for a swift half.

Hooray, time for some tunes!

“Where did I put that iTrip?”

Yep, it was in the same pile of sweets and wrappers! Ok, plugged in and ready to rock, something insanely heavy after the day I’ve had. Bloody customers, they may pay the bills and my wages but they do my head in sometimes.

Ha ha ha! That bloody idiot is in the ditch! I knew he wouldn’t get away with driving like that! Don’t be nasty, it was only a friendly toot on the horn! That was priceless; I bet that those skid marks on the road are replicated a bit nearer to his person!

“Oh shit, pay attention you muppet”

It’s no good taking the piss out of one idiot when you don’t concentrate on what you’re doing and almost lose control. That was a close call, lucky my brakes work well.

“Damn it, the bloody iPod is in the foot well, just lean over and gra…

3

“Stay still sir; don’t try to move we’re here to help you”

“What happened?”

“You’ve had an accident”

“Keep his head still please“

“I can’t see out of my left eye”

“There’s no need to panic about that Sir, it’s just a sweet wrapper!”

“OK, we need to move you onto the spinal board as a precaution. On the count of three we’ll slide it under you”